How it all happened?

2012 was a significant turning point in my life. I was living with my soon-to-be ex-husband, awaiting our divorce after a 19-year relationship with two children, and I never felt more alone. To my Italian family, it looked as though I was having a midlife crisis, and they were right.  

This very night on December 5th, 2012, I begged for a sign of life because if this was it for me, I wanted nothing to do with it.  

I turned to Google, the only person I trusted at that moment, and typed the words, "How Did I Get Here?" A book popped up by Barbara De Angelis, "How Did I Get Here," that would eventually put the wheels in motion towards a new path.

More questions followed on that night: How did I completely lose myself? How did I allow this to happen? Who the hell am I? What do I even like? What interests me? What brings me joy? Who was Marisa before all of this?

Until then, I thought I had my life all figured out. I thought I was happy. I had two children, a beautiful home, friends and family that loved me, a career in real estate that afforded me the flexibility to be with my children, and a husband I thought I would be with forever.  

I was good at self-betrayal. 

My needs, wants, and desires were not something I believed should step in the way of the life I created. Guilt was the glue that held it all together. I thought it was honorable to be selfless and put others' needs before mine. I had done it all my life, the people pleaser that I was groomed to be.

I didn't realize that what I was having was a dark night of the soul. 

The world of self-development was a foreign concept to me because that was not the environment I grew up in.    

I went to bed that night, desperate for answers to my questions.  

The very next day, December 6th, 2012, was the day that changed everything for me. All my doubts about being alone vanished in seconds.  

I was in my bedroom closet and felt what I could only describe as a download in my heart. It was a telepathic message from God, source, energy, the universe, whatever you want to call it, and the message that I received was, "You cannot do what I need you to do if you continue to carry what isn't yours." 

I knew exactly what that message meant. I had been carrying guilt and shame for wanting out of an unfulfilling marriage. "What kind of mother leaves their children's father?" Guilt was my constant companion.  

This energy felt as if I plugged into a computer hard drive. My desperate call for help was received loud and clear.  

Everything happened in flashes. I was shown a circle of five different people in my life, and I saw myself surrounded by many children.   

It wasn't until five years after that experience happened that I realized it was never about those five people. Even though my logical mind tried to digest what I saw as a literal message, it was about what each one represented for me. The children surrounding me showed me that I was supposed to teach about these five elements that make up a complete whole.  

And so began the conception of 5 Seeds of Harmony.

It took me a decade to contemplate what happened in my closet and give birth to what I am here to share with you today. I wasn't ready ten years ago, but over the last ten years, I have done everything I can to honor and manifest my experience.  

A Course in Miracles says, "What you teach is teaching you." So everything I am about to share on these pages continues to teach me and my hope is that you will gain insight on your journey towards living your best life.

The five cornerstones that make up 5 Seeds of Harmony are the following...