Creating Space So You Can Receive Guidance.

Why I had to walk away from coaching.

It's been a minute since I reached out, more like a year, but who's counting?

First, I should explain why I went into hibernation at the end of summer last year and what led me to step away from divorce coaching.

I spent the last five years growing my coaching business. Because of my divorce experience, helping others heal from divorce felt purposeful. If I could help anyone through their divorce process, it would all be worth it for me. And I did just that because I knew how to heal from divorce and move into an energy of purpose.

But at the end of summer 2021, something didn't feel quite right. I started feeling a lot of resistance in my body, to the point where I was getting intuitive messages that if I didn't stop what I was doing, my body would pay the price.

I struggled with the decision to walk away, listen to my inner knowing, and silence my ego. My ego said, "You're a failure. You're going to walk away from a community that needs you? Everything you have built was for nothing?"

My self-sabotage talk was no joke!

But spirit said, "You are not in alignment. You can't serve when you are out of balance. So you need to step away and be quiet and listen."

I didn't want to be one of those coaches who guides other people while they are in complete disharmony within themselves. So therefore, stepping away seemed the right thing to do.

I decided to allow myself the grace to be in a place of stillness and surrender. I had enough awareness and tools to know that creating space in a place of non-attachment would allow the voice of spirit to come through. At that point, I couldn't force anything even if I tried.

For several months after summer, I quieted everything and let my body lead the way, maybe for the first time. I realized I had broken trust with my body long ago, and it was time to start building that trust again.

I felt a discomfort in my body that started arising in my liver/gallbladder region. It was a manageable pain, almost as if my bra strap was on too tight, and I knew I needed to start paying attention to it. After extensive testing, the doctors said everything was "normal," but I knew there was nothing normal about that sensation, and maybe that was part of the journey toward learning to trust and listen to my body again.

I started working with a yoga teacher privately. I wanted her to teach me to connect to my body and breath. I knew there was power in using our breath intentionally. So even though I was feeling discomfort in my body, I learned to listen to the messages my body was trying to send me.

Every morning I would wake up, ask my body what it needs, and listen. Then, whatever my body needed, I would find a way to incorporate it into my day, whether it was movement, rest, water, sunlight, or healing foods.

My body was trying to tell me that it had enough of being in the "wounded masculine energy" I was putting it through. It was ready to invite more feminine energy into my life (if you don't know what I mean about feminine/masculine energy, hang tight because I will be writing a blog post about this in more detail; that way, you know what I mean).

This whole slowing everything waaaayyyy down was anything but comfortable. I was used to going a hundred miles an hour. Go, go, go! I have shit to do and don't have time to waste! That was the energy I had been operating in for quite some time. I think we all were collectively.

But my body was ready to take over the steering wheel, and I sat my butt in the backseat. I settled into that position for about probably eight to nine months. It felt like an eternity, and the worst part was trying to shut my ego up from trying to trip me up in every moment of surrender.

Man, I wasn't used to not "doing" anything. But after I started coming out of my hibernation, I realized I had given myself the most precious gift possible—the time to be with me in the most tender way possible, to listen and honor myself, to have the clarity and steadfast focus on what direction my heart wanted to move into next.

What revealed itself to me during that time was that I was at a completion. I was ready to step away from a conversation, from a frequency my soul no longer wanted to have, and that meant stepping away from the divorce community. That realization hit me pretty hard. It felt heavy in my heart, but I knew that it wouldn't be the end. I was ready to take that community to a higher frequency, a more conducive conversation, one that evokes their highest self.

So it wasn't the end for me; it was a new beginning. But unfortunately, I didn't have the language to describe the metamorphosis I was experiencing, but I do now.

This leads me to the birth of 5 Seeds of Harmony. My soul was ready to segue into serving from a higher frequency platform, but I had to be prepared to shed my skin from what I was scared of letting go.

They say that out of the darkness comes clarity, but you have to be willing to sit in the discomfort long enough to see.